The first clue I had that I might have trouble fitting in the southwest was in 1994 when passing through Amarillo.

A huge billboard rose above the edge of an overpass greeting me with an oversized picture of a juicy hot dog.

Underneath were the words “Vegetarians can eat the bun”.

“Oh boy,” I thought, suddenly understanding I was in beef country.

And that’s pretty much what I have done at every social gathering I’ve attended over the years.

Oh it hasn’t just been buns, there have been chips and dip, potato salad, fruit salad… Sometimes I’ll get lucky and feast on macaroni or spaghetti.

It’s OK, I don’t mind in the slightest.

Often people sympathetically try to come up with alternatives, special entrees or they start scrambling through the fridge looking for non-meat offerings.

“Don’t worry about it,” I say. “I’m used to eating the bun.”

Sometimes they even graciously throw a couple veggie burgers on the grill next to the real burgers and dogs.

Politely I gnaw on the dried out little patties, smiling and imagining myself slipping the psuedo meat behind my back to the dog, but knowing he probably wouldn’t eat it and then I’ll have some explaining to do.

People take a multitude of positions on my diet ranging from “I will convert you” to curiosity. Some people are even threatened, assuming I must have a political or ethical reason for being a vegetarian and I am going to preach to them.

I have seen and heard just about all of it and encountered a rainbow of attitudes and opinions regarding my diet.

To address this, I have created my own personal FAQs list to refer people to when I get the inevitable questions. So here it is…

Frequently asked questions:

Q: So you eat fish and chicken then, right?

A: This one is my favorite. I have been asked this more times than I can count, even by educated people. No I don’t eat fish and chicken because it is meat.

I don’t eat meat. I don’t eat chicken or beef broth, I don’t like to “pull the pepperoni of the pizza” and if I ask if there is “meat” in the beans what I want to know is if they were cooked with a big ol’ hambone.

There are two kinds of vegetarians. Vegans do not consume any meat or animal products. That means no milk, no cheese, and no eggs… I can’t understand this any better than meat eaters can understand my choice because I love cheese. Not to fond of milk, but I cook with it and I also eat eggs. That makes me an Ovo-lacto vegetarian. We eat dairy and eggs. There is no category of vegetarian that just eats white meat or just fish. That is not a vegetarian, it’s a low-cholesterol diet, but not vegetarian.

Easy rule of thumb: If it was ever self motivated, meaning it walked, crawled, swam, flew, jumped, slithered or was born (or hatched) with the ability to get from A to B of its own accord, I don’t eat it.

Q: Have you ever eaten meat?

A: No, I have never in my life intentionally eaten meat. Now I have occasionally encountered a jokester who sneaks a chunk of hamburger in my food or had a piece of bacon end up in my omelet at a restaurant. If I smell or see evidence of meat in my food, I pick it out. I have even resorted to telling servers I am allergic to meat because if you tell them you are a vegetarian they have the “Oh, so you just don’t want to eat meat” attitude. It’s not that I just don’t want to, its that I don’t, period.

Q: How could you go your whole life without eating a big juicy steak?

A: Well, when was the last time you ate an artichoke? I don’t know how, I just don’t eat meat. My parents raised me to be a vegetarian. This has been my lifestyle since before I had conscious thought. I don’t miss it, I don’t crave it and I really don’t even find it appealing.

Q: Why did your parents raise you a vegetarian, were they hippies?

A: No, they weren’t hippies. They were actually at least the second generation of vegetarians in my family. It is a decision they made based on religious convictions. In the Bible, it is said God created man and animal to live together in harmony without fear of one another. The Bible also addresses clean and unclean meats and there are several instances where God showed displeasure at the needless killing of animals. Because my parents believed God never intended for humans to eat animals and there were potential health concerns with meat consumption they took the “if you don’t have to why should you” approach and wallah… I’m a vegetarian.

Q: Are you a vegetarian because you are an animal rights activist?

A: No. I love animals and wish I could say there is an ethical reason I chose to be a vegetarian but my parents get credit for that choice. Of course at a certain point I had the ability to override my parents decision, but I have never wished to eat meat.

Truth be told I do have a hard time with the thought of eating another living creature. And I think the mass industry of growing animals for food has to affect nature’s balance on some level. Eating meat traditionally has been a status symbol. A poor family sure as heck isn’t going to eat the chicken that gives them eggs or the cow that provides the milk but a wealthy person can afford to slaughter excess animals. I believe over the years meat consumption has increased through the growth of a stronger middle class and meat has become a dietary staple expected for every meal and snack, but it wasn’t always that way. And I do think higher (excessive) meat consumption is part of an increasingly self-serving and self-indulgent society. Does that mean I am going to throw red paint on someone eating a burger? Absolutely not. Ideally we would all think about the affect our choices have on the world we live in but that is an ideal…

Combining all that with the natural revulsion I have for the smell, look and taste of meat, I might have chosen this path for myself anyway and I thank my parents for the choice they made. My brother, on the other hand was raised the same as me and eats selective meats on rare occassions  now as an adult and my parents have added some meats to their diets over the years, so I think it is an individual choice.

Q: So you’re like a health nut and eat tofu and salads, right?

A: I have eaten meat substitutes and there are some that are good and some that are really not good, but it is not a primary part of my diet. In general I eat just like everybody else. I don’t eat anymore “rabbit food” than anyone else. At one local restaurant I refuse to say the words “wabbit platter” when I order the vegetable plate because it just feels too humiliating. Besides, I’ve never seen a rabbit eat a baked potato with cheese and butter and sour cream on it.

Foods from other cultures seem far more accommodating than American cuisine (which is mostly meat based). Italian, Mexican, Indian and Asian foods are easily adapted to a vegetarian diet. I use a ton of butter, cheese, oils, salt and I eat like a horse. If I read a nutrition label, I could care less about calories or fat, I am looking at the ingredients to make sure there’s no lard or chicken or beef or whatever in the food. For example, did you know Worshteshire sauce has anchovies in it and prepackaged pie crusts; biscuits and tater tots usually have lard in them?

Q: So what do you eat?

A: I covered most of this in the last question, but I eat what you eat just minus the meat. If you have spaghetti and meatballs, I have spaghetti with marinara. If you have beef enchiladas, I have cheese. If you have shrimp alfredo and linguine at the local seafood restaurant, I have linguine alfredo.

Q: So that must be why you’re so skinny?

A: I doubt it. If you believe the Adkins diet philosophy, I should be obese and I have known plenty of overweight vegetarians. I’m betting it has more to do with metabolism and genetics.

Q: So how do you get protein and iron? You must be anemic…

A: I get it from the same place the cow got it; I just don’t eat the middleman. Dark leafy vegetables, grains and other food items have iron and even protein in them. Beans, nuts, dairy products and eggs are also a good source of protein. A bean burrito, peanut butter sandwich, cheese sandwich or even egg salad is a fine substitute for a meat entrée. I’m not anemic, never have been. I actually had a nutritionist tell me once my children would have diminished brain function if they didn’t have meat in their diets. Setting aside the personal insult, I hope the people in India (Hindus are vegetarians as are Buddhists) don’t find this out because right now they think they are world contenders in the information technology industry.

Q: Why would you raise your kids to be vegetarians if it’s not an ethical thing?

A: I love my kids and wanted to give them a conscientious diet to begin with, knowing they will ultimately make the choice themselves. I believe it is probably easier to add something to your diet than to remove something. I also believe the vegetarian diet forces you to evaluate what you’re eating because you often have to eat a combination of things to get what you would in meat but you do not have the down side of the cholesterol and fat and higher likelihood of bacterial and viral contamination or spoilage. I do not believe everybody in the world should run out and become vegetarians but I do see issues with the consumption of meat and wanted my kids to have a solid foundation for evaluating their diets, even if they add meat later. I’m giving them the same foundation for choice my parents gave me.

Q: So you must not like to be around people eating meat?

A: I guess if you were to bite the head off a live puppy in my presence I would have a problem, but otherwise do your thing. I know how to cook meat, not real keen on squeezing bloody hamburger in my bare hands, but I can handle it. In high school my stepfather made fun of me because I was a vegetarian so I went and got a job in a steakhouse to prove to him and myself I could handle and be around meat. I don’t judge people for their diet choices, return the favor and it’s all good…

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